i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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