Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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