Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
