and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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