I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
