His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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