Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
