So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
