Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.