You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?