WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
