Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
What a dumb baby whore.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.