I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
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He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
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He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.