And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
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Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
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i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again