If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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