I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
