New invention idea: vibrating tampons
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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