i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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