Your tits are I can't wait for
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
