I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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