I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
