TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
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He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
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I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
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