i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
