When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
