My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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