How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
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