It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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