Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Randomize
