You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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