Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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