ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
