I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Randomize
