I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I'm both gender and math confused
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
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