So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
