He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
