i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
