So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
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