Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
