It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
