Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
