You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
