i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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