I can't breathe out the right side of my face
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Even the bartender felt bad for me
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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