no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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