there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
