She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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