I saw his package. It spoke to me.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
