I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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