He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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