She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
