Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
