I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
