I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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