maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
