i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
