am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
