Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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