She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
