I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
