you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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