WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
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