My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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