I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
