i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
