She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
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This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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