are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
