omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I looked at my own cervix.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Come on in and take your pants off
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