allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
